010312A Abel and Jacob

This Christmas season was one of the best I've ever experienced. Jacob BELIEVES in Santa. I can't think of anything better than watching a 6-year-old in Spongebob footie pajamas dancing around a living room so excited that Santa is really going to come! I think Abel had a pretty good Christmas, too, but it hasn't all been peaches and cream. Things have been going well, but I don't want to leave anyone with the idea that everything is okay. Mama didn't kiss the boo-boo and make it all better. (Would that I could!) Before dawn one morning recently, Abel knocked on my door and announced that he thought he was having a panic attack. His heart was beating rapidly, he couldn't sit still let alone sleep. We went downstairs to talk, and did so for more than two hours.

And here I go with another conflict. When I wrote the other posts that eventually went into the book, it was all in the past. Somehow, it seemed okay to share, as long as I protected our privacy. Now, I hesitate to discuss the details of what Abel and I discussed the other morning because I feel like I would be breaching a confidence. There was so much rage in what he shared with me, and unless you are a parent of a traumatized child, you might be shocked at the form that rage took. Truthfully, I'm going to have to do some more thinking, as well as talking more with Abel about what I should share.

I guess for now, I want you to know that it hasn't and it doesn't all go away when they become an adult. The purpose of this blog, now, is to share our experience with this transition from boy to man. I just have to figure out how to do that without betraying my son's trust.

010312 Marketing

There are many reasons I wrote RAISING ABEL.

• I knew the story could help others in a similar position.
• I believe in the saying, "Write what must not be forgotten" (Isabel Allende).
• I also wrote it to sell it.

I've had a terrible conflict about attempting to profit off this story. Somehow it doesn't seem right. At the same time, though, I have two boys and myself to raise.

So, I'm taking the gloves off. The marketing push begins in earnest. I just wanted to warn you all, probably because I'm still a bit uncomfortable with the idea of charging around the internet asking people to buy my book. Sort of seems presumptuous. However, I'm going to do it anyway. And, if any of you see fit to spread the word about RA, I'd be grateful. I'll post the link to Amazon, below, should any of you care to share it.

Thanks!

http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Abel-ebook/dp/B0063UL91U/

It took me ten minutes to push the "Publish Post" button. I think I'm going to have to get a bit more assertive with this marketing thing...

Results of the Book Giveaway

In scanning back over the blog, I realized I hadn't given the final results for the book giveaway on the 9th.

On Amazon.com, 711 books were given away.
On Amazon.co.uk (the United Kingdom Amazon site) 89 books were given away.

A nice, even 800 books. :)

If you or anyone you know got one of these, I would certainly appreciate a review on Amazon, particularly the Amazon UK site. There are no reviews yet in the UK.

As I've mentioned, I'm somewhat conflicted about "selling" the book through this blog. Selling in any form is difficult for me. Yet, I have two boys to raise, so here I go.  If you can spread the word about the book, that would be great.

Too much hard sell?



I also would like to take the opportunity to thank ISoCannotMakeThis Sh!tUp.blogspot.com and OneMothersDay.blogspot.com for their reviews of RAISING ABEL. A positive review from a trauma mama is worth so much to me.

Oh, and by the way, Kirkus Reviews posted a wonderful review of RA. You can see it at

http://www.kirkusreviews.com/book-reviews/carolyn-nash/raising-abel-qiHHTZkA/

121711 Maybe I'm happy

      Last night, Abel, Jacob, and I were sitting in the living room watching something, maybe Kung Fu Panda. Abel and Jacob had been wrestling and laughing on the couch. Abel was torturing Jacob by tickling his feet. Jacob was torturing Abel by calling him a big fat turtle (yes, it must have been Kung Fu Panda). When they tired of that, Abel moved over to the arm chair and sat, hands folded, staring at his intertwined fingers. After a minute or two, he looked up at me.
     "I feel weird," he said.
     I got that little lurch in the pit of my stomach. "What do you mean, weird?"
     "I don't know. I'm not tired. I'm not wired up."
     "Yes?"
     "I'm not mad."
      Thank God.
      He paused for another few seconds. He looked up at me and smiled. "Maybe I'm happy."

     We are going through a very good time right now. Jacob, being 6, is ecstatic that Christmas is in one week.  Abel is "maybe" happy. I am definitely happy... and trying not to be scared by the happiness. It's hard not to let the old training come to the fore, that if you're happy, something has to happen to spoil it. Truthfully, the little bit of fear that I'm experiencing is so much less than in past days. And, Amelia has also finally got it through my thick head that fear doesn't equal death. Fear can just be fear, a little anxiety, and doesn't have to rule my life, or my sons'.
      For those of you in the middle of the bad times, hold onto the image of Abel sitting in that chair, saying those words: "Maybe I'm happy." It can happen. And it can be the most wonderful reward for all the struggles. I always said to Amelia that I could make it through anything if I only knew how the story would turn out. While I know we still have challenges, and no one knows what life will bring, right now, right this minute with Abel stretched out on the couch scratching Squeaker's ears, and Jacob crawling around on the floor giving voices to his Power Rangers, I am so happy. It's all any parent could want.

121311 A most wonderful gift

When I came home from work yesterday, Abel had cleaned the house. Living room, bathroom, hall, stairs, front porch, kitchen, dining room, even my office. He swept, did dishes, put things away.

He did it just to make me happy.

December 9th Book Giveaway - Wow!

To all of you who helped spread the word, THANK YOU! I'm a little over halfway through this giveaway day and 368 copies have been downloaded!

I encourage you to tell anyone you want to about this free day. The more copies spread out into the world, the better!

By the way, if you don't have a Kindle, you can download free software from Amazon so that you can use your computer as an e-book reader. Not only can you get RAISING ABEL, you can get any other Kindle e-book. There are loads of them available for free.

RAISING ABEL (Kindle) should be free tomorrow, Dec. 9th, on Amazon

Amazon has a new program that allows me to put RAISING ABEL up for no charge from midnight (Pacific time) tonight until midnight tomorrow night. I encourage you to spread the word to anyone who might have been interested in reading the story to download it free.

Yes, I'd like to make money off the book. More importantly, I want people to read it. I know it would have helped me when I was going through it to know that someone else had survived all of the ups and downs.

By the way, as of this date, 84 copies of the book have been sold. Being a writer is definitely NOT the way to make a living. :)