Friday, December 2, 2011

120211 What do I do with this anger?

For some reason, it never occurred to me before to look for Abel's birth mother on Facebook. I just searched, and I found her. I feel sick to my stomach. The page doesn't reveal where she is or anything about her life. I'm terrified that Abel will decide one day to look for her. And should I be terrified? Should I even tell him that she is there and there is a way he could contact her? He doesn't want to get a drivers license because he's afraid he'd search for his father and wipe him out. What would he want to do to Justine? What do I want to do to Justine? After our reading yesterday of a few pages from RAISING ABEL, we had a wonderful day. He seemed to have relaxed in some way, actually given himself a break from the expectations he and society heap on a young man of 21.

At least for now, I'm not going to tell him. I've got to let this simmer for awhile (more like boil!) Any suggestions on how to handle this would be appreciated.


  1. I wouldn't tell him. That's opening a huge can of worms. Especially right now, with some of the old feelings coming up while reading the book. Yeah, I'd want to kick Justine's ass and the birth father too. Although, I can't help wondering what THEIR parents did to them as children. Still, there are many, many people, abused as children, who do not abuse their children. I told you though, I'll help you and then we can fly to Ukraine and kick some slavic booty!

  2. You get the information, I'll get the tickets, and we're on the way to the Ukraine.

    Yeah, I'm not going to tell him, at least not now. Thanks for telling me what you think. It really helps to know what another trauma mama thinks. :)

  3. I would not tell ever tell him unless he asks. I would be willing to bet that part of your desire to tell him is based on being open and honest with your children---it is not dishonest to withhold information he is not asking for and does not need--it is a loving kindness to not share information which may cause him stress, anxiety or further hurt.

  4. Thank you, Becky. Those are wise words. I'm feeling much better today about all of it. Seeing her face was such a shock and then these images of Abel as a baby hurt and scared started coming to me. I think I deal with a lot of this by not dealing with it. If I think about what she did to my son... it's too much. Seeing her, seeing her "realness" brought it all down in such a huge way.

    Whoever invented blogging should get a medal. It is so therapeutic to be able to exchange ideas with all of you.