Friday, November 25, 2011

112511 Perhaps I should have stuck with blogging...

As some of you may know, I have converted my blog into a book in the hopes of:

  • Spreading the word about the long-term effects of child abuse
  • Giving hope to others in the same situation
  • Making a dollar or two to help pay for therapy, raising two boys, and someday retirement?
        I've been fighting the feeling that I've been some sort of sell-out. The other day I heard that an online social worker magazine might be willing to review my book. I cheered and fist-pumped and called out to Abel, "Hey, it looks like the book might be reviewed."
        He grinned as he passed through the living room. "Oh, so you're happy about making money off my pain?"
        That stopped me dead. When he came back in the room I said, "I know you were joking, but is there even a small part of you that means what you said?"
         "I want you to be happy, Mom, and I want the book to be a success, but I just don't want to see you happy about it, okay?" and he walked out.
         I have explained to him time and again--and he has agreed--that his story can help other people. He has been on board since the beginning... except he hasn't really. It hurts him and confuses him.
          I do think that sharing stories is valuable to other parents with traumatized children. But, is it worth the pain that I might be causing Abel?
          One of the reasons this is coming up today is that something else happened. I have been attempting to market the book online by going to forums and chatrooms to talk about it. One of the places I discussed it was in the forums of I've been a member there for several months, long before I published the book. I also received some wonderful feedback from forum members that RAISING ABEL had helped them with their own situation. So today, I was a bit shocked and embarrassed to receive a message that I have been permanently banned from the forums for "advertising" there.
         So, I'm having a crisis of conscience. I want to share this story. I think the book is a good way to do it. I could really use the income, if the book ever sells more than a couple of dozen copies. But, am I using my son's pain to make money and "selling out"? I don't know.


  1. This is what I think. I blog too. If our son reaches the point where the blogging makes him uncomfortable, then I will stop. But, there are LOTS of moms out there that need to know there is help, that can benefit from the experiences we have had, that need to know they are not alone. I don't know what I would have done without this wonderful community of women when I felt as if I were drowning. I also understand your son's predicament, because I too was abused. I would be the ONE to share, though, in the hopes of helping others. But, maybe it is different for guys. You are a good mom, a wonderful mom, and you will make the decision best for you and your son. Talk to him. Hash it out. (((hugs)))

  2. Barb,
    Thanks for your thoughtful words and, to tell the truth, most for the (((hugs))). I forget at times that I'm not still doing this alone. There is a wonderful, supportive community of parents out there. Thank you for reminding me. :)

  3. I started reading this book yesterday. It starts out well. You get brownie points for going for your dream.