Unfortunately, life does not ever wrap up neatly.
Abel has started to live in a pig sty again--never a good sign. I have to nag him to shower and blackmail him to bring his clothes down for the laundry. There are dishes with rotting food in his room. He's staying up all night playing online games and sleeping all day.
- And yet, he comes down regularly to tickle Jacob and chase him around the house.
- He always follows through with his chores of feeding the cats and the dogs.
- If I ask him to take out the trash, he does so without argument.
- Last night, in the middle of the night, he went down and did the dishes in the kitchen. He was so pleased with having done so, that at 3:30 this morning, he told me about it when he heard me heading back to my room after a trip down the hall. I think he'd been waiting anxiously for me to wake up so that he could share his achievement.
And this in itself shows progress. It's a little boy thing to want to tell your mom what you've done, but in the past, he wouldn't have been able to wait until I woke on my own. He would have come and woken me up, regardless of the time of night.
Perhaps that's a good example of what to pay attention to when you're raising a child/adult with special needs. Abel is 21. He has a wicked sense of humor and an adult view of many things, but when it comes right down to it, he's still a little boy in many ways and I must not measure his achievements with an adult yardstick. I have to make an Abel yardstick, and try to always remember to use only it, and to avoid any other measuring device.
Well, that wasn't so hard. :) Perhaps in the next blog post I can start getting into the more difficult subjects.
I was recommended your book by a friend and am currently reading it on my phone. So far, it is excellent. I feel almost like I am invading your privacy with how descriptive you are of your parenting and personal abuse challenges...but at the same time this is why I am really enthralled. I've been raising my daughter for almost 6 years now. We met her when she was 10 and she joined our family when she was 11. She is now 16 and every day is a challenge...but you capture the loving this child part so well. When you said you felt bad for other parents because they only have biological children, I was like "YES!" because that is how I feel sometimes...like with all the pain my daughter has shown me I am able to see more joy in life where I did not before. Our children are amazing aren't they?
ReplyDeleteThey are amazing. Thank you so much for leaving your note. Maybe it will encourage me to keep writing on this blog. I'm finding it very difficult...
ReplyDeleteIn any case, Thank You! Feedback like yours is why I do this. :)